


Caveat Emptor

by BethFromTheBurg



Category: Young Wizards - Diane Duane
Genre: Aliens, Carmela being Carmela, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Mostly Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28142385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BethFromTheBurg/pseuds/BethFromTheBurg
Summary: Carmela really needed to stop getting into these situations.
Relationships: Nita Callahan/Kit Rodriguez
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Caveat Emptor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [teacup_of_doom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teacup_of_doom/gifts).



"What's Carmela done this time?"

Kit Rodriguez glanced up from his laptop computer. The clock on the kitchen stove read an hour later than it had the last time he checked. The soda can at his left felt warm to the touch. And Nita Callahan, best friend, girlfriend, and partner in wizardry, stood in the doorway watching him. From the look on her face, he guessed she'd been there for a minute or two.

"How did you know this was about her?"

Nita came into the kitchen. Without asking for permission, she pulled open the fridge and pulled out two cans of soda. One of the cans she sat next to Kit's old can. She popped the top on the second can as she sat down in the chair opposite Kit's.

"Easy," Nita replied. "There's only one person in the entire universe who can put that look on your face."

"What look?"

Nita laughed. "It's a cross between, I'm going to kill her and Why me," she explained. "I've seen that look many times. Many, many times."

Kit huffed in bemusement. Nita could read him like a book- and it seemed to happen more often lately. He wasn't sure if it was due to her oracular abilities or their new status as Officially Dating. Either way, like many other times, she was right.

"It's Mela, alright," he told her." But don't be too smug because Dairine's right involved also."

Nita made a face herself. She took a long, hard swig of the soda and swallowed. "What have they done now, and on a scale of one to ten, how much trouble are they in?"

Kit considered what he read in the e-mail he'd received from a mutual friend of their sisters. "I'd say about a six," he decided after a moment.

Nita nodded. Kit saw the relieved smile spread across her face. "So nothing that's going to get Dairine grounded to our galaxy again," she said. The same relief colored her words. "I don't think Dad's garden could survive another two weeks of a homebound Dairine."

An interesting story there imagined. Kit made a mental note to ask about that story later. Preferably over more soda- and a pizza, his hungry stomach added.

"So what's up?" Nita asked.

Kit took a drink of cold soda. He needed it to tell the story he was about to tell. "Two hours ago, our time, Spot popped in on the table, about right where you're sitting now..."

Three bars of chocolate sat on three shiny plates, each bar cut in the style of bars of gold. Across the table, the merchant spread his hands across the bars in the universal gesture of ta-da. "What do you think?" he asked.

Carmela Rodriguez considered her response. The chocolate looked delicious. If it tasted as good as it appeared, she would take as much as the merchant would sell. She had the feeling that if she seemed too eager to buy, the merchant would double his price. Carmela decided on her play. She fixed a smile on her face and her eyes on the plates holding the chocolate.

"I'm thinking I don't know what that metal is, but I need some jewelry made of it, ASAP," she said.

"My third partner would be happy to accommodate you." the merchant promised her. "They are quite the artist. I think you will find their work most pleasing. Now, let us consider chocolate."

"Sure," Carmela said, her word choice and tone of voice purposely casual. "Let's get on with it then, because your partner's jewelry? It's totally calling my name."

The merchant nodded. He made a small gesture with his right hand. In response, a small, silver object rose into the air and then hovered in place at the merchant's shoulder. To Carmela, it resembled a cross between a jackknife and a whisk. "Let us try at the first bar."

The cocoa bean was the basis of chocolate across the universe. Every species that traded in chocolate added its unique twist. Carmela had seen dozens of variations on the theme. She had to admit that this piece of chocolate was a stunning example. The bar resembled liquid silver, held in shape by a golden glaze. Beautiful, but not perfect. Carmela peered closer. A line of long, thin scratches ran halfway down the bar's length.

"I'm not interested in damaged bars," she declared, sitting back in her chair, folding her arms across her chest and frowning. She knew exactly what the marks were and what they meant. If she played dumb, the merchant would think she didn't see the business. His misconception might prove to her advantage later on in the negotiations.

The merchant gave her an indulgent smile. "These bars are but humble samples. Our product is too precious to waste even an ounce. Should you chose to buy, you will receive your bars intact."

Carmela's lips quirked a smile. "Bars?" she repeated. "You're confident."

The merchant bowed his head. "I trust the quality of my wares. Try them and see for yourself."

The merchant made another small gesture with his hand. In response, the little machine at his shoulder floated over to hover above the bar of chocolate. With a whirring sound, it skimmed across the surface of the bar, pulling loose a long, thin strip of chocolate.

"If you would open your mouth and stick out your tongue, please," the merchant instructed Carmela.

The small machine floated to her. The merchant made a third, small motion with his hand. The small wafer of chocolate dropped on Carmela's tongue.

The initial taste was an exquisite balance of cocoa and a spice she couldn’t identify. The flavor blended with a second combination: wood smoke and toasted marshmallows. As the chocolate melted on her tongue, a rush of emotions came over her. She experienced the comfortable warmth of being with her family around a roaring bonfire, making s'mores.

"Not bad," she said, deliberately sounding bored. "What else do you have for me?"

The merchant made a lazy gesture that sent the tool to hover over the second bar of chocolate...

"Kit," Nita broke into his story. "I can't believe a sentient laptop would include details about chocolate in an e-mail asking for us for our help."

Kit shook his head. "He didn't want to," he said. "Carmela insisted. She said it would be great for marketing purposes."

A thoughtful expression came over Nita's face. Kit had the suspicion she wasn't considering this as a responsible sister and friend should. She was considering it as a board member of Carmela's business would. Kit gave her a look. Nita's apologetic shrug confirmed this. He sighed. After they saved Carmela, all three of them were going to have a serious discussion about priorities.

"When did Mela have the time to send such a long email?" Nita asked. "She never makes time to check in during a big deal."

Nita was starting to think about this as a friend would. Kit knew he had about 60 seconds before she started asking questions again. He also knew that Nita, hot-headed Nita, would take the truth better if he gave it to her straight.

"She has plenty of time. She's being held as a hostage..."

The second bar of chocolate was better than the first one. Its flavor lingered in her mouth, a taste like honey that recalled memories of late afternoons in August. Her partner would object to the amount of product she bought and the price she paid. Her financial board might kill her, but the sales numbers would bring her back to life.

Carmela affected a bored expression. "Much better," she admitted. "Nothing to post to Instagram, but alright." From the look on the merchant's face, the concept of Instagram humblebragging did not translate well into the Speech. "Your product isn't up to my standards," C explained.

"Of course," the merchant murmured. "Forgive me for failing to provide the best of Omeki's chocolate. I offer a third option. An exclusive to my business, available only to a select few in this quadrant."

Carmela gave an indifferent shrug of her shoulders. "I have another half hour before my Gate opens," she said. "Why not."

The merchant sent his tiny, silver helper over to the final bar of chocolate.

The backroom door flew open and banged loudly against the wall. The sound of a weapon discharging rang out. A brilliant beam of yellow light hit the machine, sending it in flames to the floor. A shorter, rounder version of the chocolate merchant pushed into the backroom. They shouted at the merchant as they brandished the energy weapon Carmela assumed had destroyed the drone.

"You promised me, "the smaller alien yelled. "You promised me, Jazatiay. No more deals without me!"

The merchant rose to their feet." I did not break my promise to you, Tyziani," they shouted back. It gestured toward Carmela. "This Terran deceived me!"

"Excuse me?!" Carmela objected.

The merchant shouted over Carmela. "She told me she wished to buy tuzulpi. She waited until you had gone, and then she brought out her weapon. She made me take her here, where she started yelling, demanding to see my chocolate!"

Carmela rolled her eyes. She couldn't help herself. This whole situation was that ridiculous. "Were there drugs in that chocolate sample?" she asked the merchant, not bothering to hide her annoyance. "Because you are definitely living in an altered state."

"Enough!" the smaller alien, Tyziani, barked. "I do not believe you," they told the merchant. "The Terran is tiny."

"I'm due one last growth spurt. Mami said so," Carmela defended herself against the word tiny.

"I don't believe you," Tyziani insisted.

"Me or Jazatiay?"

Tyziani ignored Carmela. They kept their weapon trained on the merchant. "If you wish to see another rotation," they growled at Jazatiay, "go to our room and await your punishment."

The merchant scuttled out of the room. The smaller alien turned to face Carmela. "My second partner is not permitted to make deals without my permission. Their negotiation skills are poor, and they do not know the true worth of our products."

Carmela nodded. "I thought the initial prices they quoted were a little low," she admitted.

"Yet you still planned to accept the deal," Tyziani accused. its eyes narrowed in appraisal of Carmela. "By the rules of our world, you are in breach of good faith."

Carmela had a sudden suspicion where this conversation was headed. She moved to head off trouble. "I'm certain we can work this out between the two of us," Carmela offered, in a soothing tone. She gave the alien a pleasant smile. "No need to involve the local authorities."

Tyziani 's answering smile gave Carmela the sense she had misread the situation. She hated that feeling. "Agreed." Their next words carried the ring of formality. "As a partial owner of this business, I invoke the Code of Tashya. You are now my hostage, until the time your kin ransoms you."

Being held for ransom was not where she expected that conversation to go. And only a relative could pay, and the only wizard relative had was Kit. Not good. Carmela briefly considered claiming Nita as family, given that Nita was her brother's wizarding partner. Nita would take her head off, but she would forget this mess in time. Once he recovered from the stroke, he'd have over this, and Kit would hold this over her head. Forever.

The alien's voice broke into Carmela's thoughts. "Jazatiay said that you are Terran," it said, reverence coloring its words. "Your planet is home to one of the greatest chocolate delicacies in the known universe."

Carmela experienced another emotion she hated to feel. Panic. She knew exactly what Tyziani wanted. There was one Terran novelty chocolate revered by civilizations across the universe. The problem was that a particular delicacy wouldn't be available for months. Without serious wizardry that was seriously expensive, Carmela couldn't imagine how Kit, Nita, or even Dairine would meet Tyziani's demands.

"My apologies," Carmela said, trying to sound contrite. "What you ask for is a seasonal delicacy on my planet. It's not available until another six of our Terran months."

"You have my terms of your release," the alien said. Their tone allowed no room for argument.

"Where does Dairine come into this?" Nita asked.

"I'm getting to that," Kit promised her. "Carmela decided that she couldn't face asking me or you for help. So she chose the next, best option."

Kit saw the look of realization on Nita's face. "Dairine," she said.

"Exactly."

Nita instantly went into what Kit called older sibling mode: worried but ready to drag Dairine home by her shirt collar if need be. "And Dairine did what?"

Kit shook his head. "Two words: jailbreak."

"From the fact you're telling me this instead of Carmela or Dairine, I take it the jailbreak failed?"

"There are now two hostages,"  
Nita processed that piece of information. Kit could see her thinking of new planets to send her sister's bed. "So, what does this person want for ransom?" she asked after a minute.

Kit told her.

Nita groaned, resting her face in her hands. Kit wondered what prompted her strong reaction. Then she spoke, and he knew why she reacted the way she did. Only one person annoyed Nita Callahan, even when they weren't physically present in the room.

"I know where we can get those," she told him. "But he's not going to give them up easily. Carmela owes me. Big time."

"'Mela, as a member of the board, I insist on a serious discussion about better business practices."

At the moment, Carmela would give Nita an hour to lecture her on the subject. She owed that to Nita. Her friend worked miracles. Carmela’s captor sat across the table, radiating content as they counted their ransom. Nita bargained with Tyziani for Dairine's release, offering her sister's particular skills in place of more chocolate. On top of that, she intervened on Carmela's behalf with Kit before their arrival. He seemed more amused than upset.

"I'll put it on the agenda," Carmela promised. She didn't want to push her luck, but she had questions she needed answered. "You didn't do anything...stupid...to get this, right?"

Nita made a pained face. "Define stupid," she said drily.

"Expensive Wizardry?"

Kit grinned. "The only thing it cost was her pride," he teased Nita.

Nita elbowed him in the side. "Knock it off, Kit. She's anxious." She smiled reassuringly at Carmela. "No wizardry involved, I promise."

Nita spoke the words in the Speech. Telling a lie was impossible when using the Speech. Carmela felt the knot of fear in her stomach unwind. Her curiosity returned: without wizardry, how had Kit and Nita gotten the ransom?

Carmela had to know. "Where did you find half a pound of Cadbury Crème Eggs in the middle of October?"

Nita looked nauseated. "From the back of an extremely gross closet," she said.

"We got them from Ronan," Kit explained. "His father loved them as a kid. During the one year they were available year-round, he got sick off of them. He can't stand them now.  
Nita took up the story. "Unlike his son, he's a pleasant person," Nita said. Carmela couldn't help but laugh. "He doesn't have the heart to tell his sister to stop sending them. So he gives them to Ronan, who hoards them in his closet."

One question remained. Carmela had gotten over her crush on Ronan a long time ago. He was still her partner in business and crime and one of her best friends. She knew him, his contrary nature, and his complicated feelings about Nita. He gave them the candy because he wanted to help Carmela. But he wasn't about to miss a chance to mess with Nita.

"What did you have to do for these?" Carmela asked Nita.

Before Nita could answer, Tyziani interrupted the conversation. "The ransom is sufficient," they declared, their words brisk and dismissive. "You may wait outside until the other one is finished." They cast a dirty look at Carmela. "You may not come back to this planet."

"No chance of that."

Between them, Kit and Nita all but pulled Carmela out of the store. Her brother, Nita, and she settled on the low stone wall encircling the public square. Carmela took a deep breath of fresh air, savoring the feeling of the sun on her face. After the potential of being held in a basement for six months, both were a luxury. When Dairine finished updating the merchant's computer systems, they would all go home.

Home. For once, it was the one place Carmela wanted to be.


End file.
